Wash the windows; empty the garbage, sweep, mop, vacuum. All while putting on a happy face and pretending I love my job. And don't even get me started on the toilets! You probably can't even imagine how difficult mopping without opposable thumbs can be. I'm always dropping the mop because it is forever slipping out of my hands. How is a penguin supposed to work like this? On top of that, I have overheard those blasted humans talking about me and laughing at me when they think I'm not around. I am convinced they make bigger messes and have more lights burn out when they know I'm working. As if I didn't have a hard enough time with it all without all the extra hardships. Plus, I'm dressed way too well for this job!
Maybe those FLIPPR guys are right. Penguins aren't treated right regardless of the "Equality Act" that was passed. Yeah, we can hold all the same jobs. Yeah, we can be on the same teams, and do everything they can. And yeah, I guess it's better now than it was before the Act. Then, we were on the streets, barely able to make it by, no knowing where we were going to sleep one night to the next, not knowing what our next meal would be, let alone when. Oh, and don't get me started on the nights! Extremely cold, and damp, noise so loud that you would think it was daytime there was so much going on! If your spot was discovered by any humans, they would not only make you stay there, but they would call Animal Control! Can you believe it?! I doubt it could get any more degrading than that. Especially since all we were trying to do was trying to eke out a living much the same as any of them. It was like all we were to them was a bunch of cute, cuddly little animals with no brains or heart or aspirations for ourselves or our society.
Well, we'll show them! We'll prove to them that we are more intelligent than they think and that we will fight for the respect we deserve!
01 May 2011
Through the MInd of a Penguin Part 3
We interrupt this program for an urgent news brief.
Chimpanzees have been recently discovered to have joined the Penguin Revolution. Chimps, in their cunning ability to woo humans with tricks then steal objects from them have been stockpiling weapons for years. A stash of these weapons was found in Sweden. A spokes-penguin for the Front for Liberation of the Internal Penguin Population, FLIPPR for short, was quoted saying, "Penguins have no need to revolt against humans, and especially have no need of aid by the genetic ancestors of humans. All FLIPPR wants to promote is equality for those of us that are vertically challenged and are forced to be clothed in formal attire."
In response to this claim, a Swedish chimpanzee was quoted saying, "OO OO, EE EE." Experts have translated this to mean, "We were paid a profit to help the penguins in their revolution against the humans. We have no ill feelings or loyalties to either. The penguins merely offered more shiny objects as payment."
This is definitely a concern as the penguins have been known to deploy "cute and cuddly" operations world-wide. We do not know at this time which side of the story to believe so we are asking people to be cautious and avoid all things cute and/or cuddly, just to be safe. It also would help to store food, and keep small children indoors. We are asking that those with the knowledge of a FLIPPR safe-house to contact the local authorities with the information immediately.
We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
Chimpanzees have been recently discovered to have joined the Penguin Revolution. Chimps, in their cunning ability to woo humans with tricks then steal objects from them have been stockpiling weapons for years. A stash of these weapons was found in Sweden. A spokes-penguin for the Front for Liberation of the Internal Penguin Population, FLIPPR for short, was quoted saying, "Penguins have no need to revolt against humans, and especially have no need of aid by the genetic ancestors of humans. All FLIPPR wants to promote is equality for those of us that are vertically challenged and are forced to be clothed in formal attire."
In response to this claim, a Swedish chimpanzee was quoted saying, "OO OO, EE EE." Experts have translated this to mean, "We were paid a profit to help the penguins in their revolution against the humans. We have no ill feelings or loyalties to either. The penguins merely offered more shiny objects as payment."
This is definitely a concern as the penguins have been known to deploy "cute and cuddly" operations world-wide. We do not know at this time which side of the story to believe so we are asking people to be cautious and avoid all things cute and/or cuddly, just to be safe. It also would help to store food, and keep small children indoors. We are asking that those with the knowledge of a FLIPPR safe-house to contact the local authorities with the information immediately.
We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
Through the Mind of a Penguin Part 2
Whoever said penguins couldn’t count? I mean, opposable thumbs or even fingers aren’t needed to figure math. I’ve always had a brain for mathematics. I could figure a problem faster than most in my class, and even when I reached the upper levels like Algebra and Trigonometry, I still didn’t have much difficulty figuring out the problems. I did need a special calculator though, small buttons and flippers don’t exactly get along, you know.
Now that penguins have been integrated into society for the intelligent creatures we really are, I was able to gain a job as an accountant. Now that’s the life: surrounded by numbers all day long. Who could ask for better? Not me. Most people that hear I’m an accountant and automatically think I keep the books for FLIPPR. You see most people who know of the existence of the Front for the Liberation of the Internal Penguin Population Revolution, FLIPPR for short, think that all penguins are part of it. FLIPPR is really just a bunch of tough guys that formed a penguin mafia and came up with a long name just so the abbreviation could somewhat resemble the word flipper. Really, all they are is a bunch of bullies. In all my life, I have never seen such a strong stereotype put into place. The second any penguin is seen on the street, there is automatic fear or concern for personal safety.
I see this a lot, working in accounting as I do. Someone comes in to pay their bill, sees me, and automatically they are afraid I might do something to them, or that I am going to steal their money and use it for FLIPPR funding. Sadly, they never take the time learn about the real me. I am actually really easy to talk to, and am willing to hold a conversation about anything with anyone. You know the small chit-chat that goes along with waiting for the computer to process a check and produce a receipt. Usually, my customers are lost in their own world of fear and stereotypes of species to hold any kind of a decent conversation.
I had to work hard to get to where I am today. I fought this stereotype that the other penguins created the existence of to get an honest, legitimate job. I was top in all my classes, worked and studied hard, and I always double check my figures to make sure there are no mistakes. Luckily, I came across an employer who saw my track record with numbers, and understood that the quality of an employee’s work was far more meaningful than the stereotype associated with that employee.
There was one person who felt the need to inform my boss that he had a penguin—a PENGUIN!—working for him. She went on and on about how unfaithful we are, about how all we do is drink alcohol and steal peoples’ women right from under their noses. She explained about how she had a penguin steal her purse, smacking her on the ass as he ran off. She was convinced that I was a shady figure, stealing the company’s money to finance my outside endeavors she was dead-set I had going on in my off time.
I overheard all of this, and boy did it make me feel like crap! I mean, I try to make sure I present a professional look about myself and go about my job like anyone else in the office would. Normally I am overdressed due to the tuxedo that is just part of my body. I know it’s overboard, but I can’t help it. What I look like isn’t something I can change. I was born this way. I have never made fun of someone either in front of them or behind their back because of how they looked. That’s just plain rude any way you try to dress it up as acceptable.
The day after hearing the woman’s comments, I did not want to go into work. I laid in my bed, pondering the hurtful words she had spoken. Who wouldn’t be depressed when they overhear someone saying such rude things about them that aren’t based at all on work quality, but what they are, and what they look like? I finally did go into work, late. I went straight into my boss’s office to explain why I was late. He took the time to hear me out, and then mentioned that he told her yesterday, after she was done spewing her negativity, that if she had that big of a problem with one of his employees, that he wouldn’t be able to do business with her anymore. Now, that is one understanding boss.
Now that penguins have been integrated into society for the intelligent creatures we really are, I was able to gain a job as an accountant. Now that’s the life: surrounded by numbers all day long. Who could ask for better? Not me. Most people that hear I’m an accountant and automatically think I keep the books for FLIPPR. You see most people who know of the existence of the Front for the Liberation of the Internal Penguin Population Revolution, FLIPPR for short, think that all penguins are part of it. FLIPPR is really just a bunch of tough guys that formed a penguin mafia and came up with a long name just so the abbreviation could somewhat resemble the word flipper. Really, all they are is a bunch of bullies. In all my life, I have never seen such a strong stereotype put into place. The second any penguin is seen on the street, there is automatic fear or concern for personal safety.
I see this a lot, working in accounting as I do. Someone comes in to pay their bill, sees me, and automatically they are afraid I might do something to them, or that I am going to steal their money and use it for FLIPPR funding. Sadly, they never take the time learn about the real me. I am actually really easy to talk to, and am willing to hold a conversation about anything with anyone. You know the small chit-chat that goes along with waiting for the computer to process a check and produce a receipt. Usually, my customers are lost in their own world of fear and stereotypes of species to hold any kind of a decent conversation.
I had to work hard to get to where I am today. I fought this stereotype that the other penguins created the existence of to get an honest, legitimate job. I was top in all my classes, worked and studied hard, and I always double check my figures to make sure there are no mistakes. Luckily, I came across an employer who saw my track record with numbers, and understood that the quality of an employee’s work was far more meaningful than the stereotype associated with that employee.
There was one person who felt the need to inform my boss that he had a penguin—a PENGUIN!—working for him. She went on and on about how unfaithful we are, about how all we do is drink alcohol and steal peoples’ women right from under their noses. She explained about how she had a penguin steal her purse, smacking her on the ass as he ran off. She was convinced that I was a shady figure, stealing the company’s money to finance my outside endeavors she was dead-set I had going on in my off time.
I overheard all of this, and boy did it make me feel like crap! I mean, I try to make sure I present a professional look about myself and go about my job like anyone else in the office would. Normally I am overdressed due to the tuxedo that is just part of my body. I know it’s overboard, but I can’t help it. What I look like isn’t something I can change. I was born this way. I have never made fun of someone either in front of them or behind their back because of how they looked. That’s just plain rude any way you try to dress it up as acceptable.
The day after hearing the woman’s comments, I did not want to go into work. I laid in my bed, pondering the hurtful words she had spoken. Who wouldn’t be depressed when they overhear someone saying such rude things about them that aren’t based at all on work quality, but what they are, and what they look like? I finally did go into work, late. I went straight into my boss’s office to explain why I was late. He took the time to hear me out, and then mentioned that he told her yesterday, after she was done spewing her negativity, that if she had that big of a problem with one of his employees, that he wouldn’t be able to do business with her anymore. Now, that is one understanding boss.
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