through the mind of a penguin, pt 1

Why do people give us the stereotype of being mercenaries? I mean, yeah, some of us are the out-there, in your face, military type, but honestly, not all of us are. Some just want to live a peaceful life, not be involved in taking over the world, or stealing beer and women. Some of us have other talents, thank you very much.

I, for one, can tap dance. No, not as a scheme to distract people while my compatriots take their money, or inflict some kind of hypnosis on them. No, sir! I am a legitimate tap dancing penguin. The nice thing is I don't have to worry about dressing up, or dry cleaning a tux. Mine is fully attached to me, causing my clothing bill to be very minimal. Of course, I have to buy tap shoes, but you know, when those have to be custom made, they can be expensive! I mean, tap shoes aren't exactly cheap to begin with, but regular ones just don't fit flippers. But, that doesn't mean I go around getting the money for them illegally. Nope, I started out young, and tapping in just my flippers on the street corner with my hat on the ground looking for handouts. Those don't come easy people! Especially when you are a penguin and people think you are going to hurt them somehow, or turn them into zombies or what have you.

That's like one of my good friends from South America. He, like me, is on the small side, but you know, that doesn't get him down. I mean, it's better than being an Emperor penguin. Those guys have some issues. They think that they already rule the world just because the word Emperor is in their name. Talk about a complex! Anyway, back to my friend. He writes. Mostly news articles, giving the people a first hand view of what is happening on the penguin front so they can be informed. He's the one that first got people to see through that "cute and cuddly" front. Now, that took courage. He had all the other penguins up in arms against him, had hits out on him from the penguin mafia, death threats, attempts on his life. He had to go into hiding for a while there and only came out of hiding after making a deal with the Penguin Mafia Overlord saying that he wouldn't infiltrate their ranks and report their tactics to the common man again, that if the people wanted to resist the Front for Liberation of the Internal Penguin Population Revolution, that they would have to figure it out on their own.

Now, the Front for Liberation of the Internal Penguin Population Revolution, FLIPPR for short, in my opinion is a load of crock. What do we need liberated from? And who exactly is the Internal Penguin Population? Half of their title I am convinced is there for the sole purpose of having an acronym that sounds like flipper. Cruel to our kind on their part. I mean, it's not like we have those awesome thumbs or anything, or even fingers for that matter! Do you know how hard it is to grab a cup of hot chocolate with a flipper!

Wait. wait... Oh no! I hear them coming! First they silence my friend for his comments, and now they are coming after me! I can hear them on the steps. If anyone reads this, please....PLEASE remember that not all the penguins are ba.....