A story from Basic

In my half asleep disorientation, I saw the tent I was in, and the one next to mine, both belonging to my platoon. I also saw the other Soldiers and our gear, but it was blurry like I was trying to look through a piece of plastic and make out exactly who and what I was seeing, which would tell me where I was. I knew these people, but what were they doing here militarizing my room with their drab green tents, uniforms and bags of gear? And what did they do with my nice soft feather pillow?

As I was puzzling this strange, seemingly out of body experience, I saw these Soldiers grabbing weapons, helmets, and masks on their way out of the tent. I was overcome with different signals in a pattern of sets of three: shoulders touched three times, three claps in a row, and something I couldn’t quite make out shouted three times. Then a smell hit that was faint at first, but its strength grew exponentially with each second that passed. The smell was indescribable to anyone that hadn’t smelled it before, like explaining how salt tastes: sickly sweet, yet incredibly sour, sharp, and so painfully strong even in a small amount it felt like the inside of my nose had started on fire. Once you have the privilege of smelling it, it is a smell you will always recognize, even if you can't explain how it smells to someone.

A flash of memory hit from a few weeks ago when we were all being oriented to the finer details of how our gas masks worked and, more importantly, the chamber where we got up close and personal with CS gas or, as it is more commonly known, Tear Gas. That realization along with the one that it was the word “gas” being shouted in sets of three hit me at the same time. The two combining meant only one thing: the Drill Sergeants had begun their fun on the first night of the Field Training Exercise.

Reoriented after waking up a mere five seconds ago, I grabbed for my gear. The face mask was to go on in less than seven seconds; I had it mastered in five. The helmet was next because contrary to popular belief, without one you are screwed. Finally, as I was headed out, I grabbed my weapon. By this point, it was part of my body a necessary accessory to my daily outfit: without it, especially here in the field, I was naked. Luckily, the chance of me leaving my weapon behind was as likely as me leaving an arm behind.

As I was running for our designated safe zone, engineer tape in the form of a square on the ground marking our makeshift bunker, I again misplaced my surroundings. The cloud from the CS gas had caused a hazy fog to form, whiter than regular fog. The gas that touched my skin burned like a thousand tiny paper cuts with lemon juice poured on them, all over the skin that was exposed. My pores were rejecting any amount of the gas that touched it, causing a thin layer of perspiration to form on top of the burning. Because of the claustrophobia caused by the mask and the feeling of choking the gas caused due to muscle memory from the last time I felt this burn on my skin, breathing was nearly impossible.

The mask I had on had been used and washed so many times that the plastic eye pieces were so scratched that everything appeared hazy under normal circumstances. That combined with the distracting sensation of my skin on fire and the cloud of white gas surrounding me caused me to be running in the wrong direction by about 45 degrees or so. I removed my mask, thinking I was out of the cloud enough that it wouldn’t hurt me as bad, in an attempt to reorient myself. Bad idea. Not only did my sinuses explode the second the gas hit them causing me to lose what little sight I had with the mask on, but I saw briefly that I was headed straight for the Drill Sergeants’ tent.

In this situation, the last person you want to come across while alone and disoriented was a Drill Sergeant, especially one that didn't belong to your platoon. They have the power to strike the fear of God into the majority of people, as well as having the luxury of this being their day job. So, showing the weakness of being lost and alone during a training situation while in front of one of them was not something I was willing to do at that point. I heard him say through the fog, “I see you. Don’t follow my voice or you will regret it! Better start running!” in a very uncharacteristically sing-song voice. The surety of this voice, who it belonged to, and what would happen if the owner of it caught me was enough to cause some semblance of clear, logical thought to pass through my brain. The normal punishment for being caught by a Drill Sergeant while alone would only be expounded since I didn’t have my mask on like I should, and was headed in a completely wrong direction.

My only saving grace of that moment was having the training from earlier that day come to mind where, if we got lost, we were to find the line of stars that had been pointed out to us and follow it to the bunker. As this thought passed through my head, I looked up, and started running again, this time in the right direction. Half a minute, three stumbles, and a headlong trip into a ditch later and I was to the bunker, finally finding that safe zone.

life

So, I started school the end of September, and was completely overwhelmed at how much was then being asked of me. This week, I have had kids home sick with the flu. That on top of a paper due and the first exam in the Western Civ. class that I am finding myself struggling in, is not a good combination. 8 years since I really have been in school is a long time to forget the simple basics of how to study, how footnotes work, how to retain information from a lecture. That on top of everything else going on in my life, and it's amazing I'm still standing. Better yet, because of the great friends I seem to have picked up along the way, I am able to smile.

A real, genuine smile that seems to have been plastered on to keep people from seeing the hurt, from seeing all the conflicting emotions I have had for a long time now. True friends that have asked me, and some all but forced me, to open up, to trust again and allow them the chance to help. That has helped me to grow, to recover, better than the one I have had that was telling me how to fix it, how to recover, going off of not much more than my inability to put into words what I am going through and how it made me feel, and his own feelings and insecurities.

A person can only learn lessons, recover from bad experiences, as fast as they are able. Not every person can do it the speed of light, let it all just roll off their back and be unaffected. Some situations cut deeper, hit harder, and hurt more than expected, and more than allows for the ability to let it all just roll off your back. If you push someone to recover and bounce back fast than they are able then you cause more damage than good.

I guess where I am going with this bit of rambling is that I am very grateful and thankful for those friends in my life that have allowed me the chance to do this on my own. The ones that have been there when needed, even if it is just someone to talk to about goofy stuff.

Warrior Tower Lesson

During the Army's Basic Combat Training not only is the curriculum learned, but you also lean a lot about yourself. While I was in Basic, I learned of a few different fears I wasn't previously aware of, as well as how to over come those and other obstacles. One instance of this I would like to share is lessons I learned on Warrior Tower, which was part of the Confidence Course.

While making my way through the confidence course, I met my match in the form of Warrior Tower. The tower stood roughly 50 feet high where it was required to climb up one side through a series of ropes and incredibly unstable feeling rope ladders, then a swing on another rope across a pit before getting to the other side of the tower where Soldiers were required to rappel the 50 feet of the tower and set their feet back down on solid ground.

I found myself about halfway up the side of this tower when my fear of heights decided to present itself for the first time. I can attest to the fact that being stuck 20 feet in the air with only a rope and your grip to keep you from falling is not the best time for a fear of heights to fiercely present itself, causing you to question your ability to control your bowels. I looked down to secure footing and saw just how high I was, and I froze. Due to quite a bit of yelling from Drill Sergeants and others below me on the rope, I was able to make it to the ledge where I was to move on to the next obstacle on the climb to the top of the tower.

It was there, sitting precariously on the edge of the tower shaking like a leaf barely able to keep my lunch down that I got one of the most meaningful pep talks I have ever had. The Drill Sergeant that was sitting there told me to look at him in an attempt to keep me from looking at the ground. Then he said to me, "Part of being a Soldier is looking your fears int he face, laughing at them, and moving on with the task at hand. The reason why we do this now is so that when you are in a foxhole with people shooting at you, you w ill have the intestinal fortitude to swallow your fear and be able to shoot back."

I sat there for a second astounded at the knowledge presented to me in that short, ten second speech, then decided to use this new-found knowledge to make my way through the rest of the day. From then on through the course, when my anxiety started to get the better of me, I would remember that speech and be able to get done what I needed to. The best part is I am able to apply the concept of that speech into my daily life, even after I am no longer a Soldier.

There's always at least one individual!

In the link below, there is a story of a misunderstood planet who just wanted to be different. To strike out on it's own path. Fromm the sound of it, it woke up one day and said "you know, all the other planets follow the same rotation as the start they are tied to. Well, Not me! No, sir, not me any longer! Starting today, I'm gonna do my own thing!" And from then on, it has been rotating in the opposite direction as the star it rotates around. Science, naturally, tried to explain away the cause of this as a near collision with a larger planet, but we know what really caused it!

This also has caused me to wonder... If the planet rotates backwards, does that mean if you live on it, you get younger instead of older?



http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20090812/sc_space/newfoundplanetorbitsbackward

Paths

I have been thinking a lot lately about the pathways we walk in life. How much control do we really have over them? Growing up, there were these Choose your own adventure books, where you choose what happens from the choices given and basically run the story from that aspect. Is this how life is? Are we presented with a situation played out, then we are left to turn to page 23 for such-and-such, or to page 35 for choice number 2? Or do we just go through life with some predetermined path we are to follow and get whatever we can out of it without having any real control over what happens?

I would like to think that it is a combination of the two. That God controls what trials we face since He knows us better than ourselves, and it is up to us to decide which choice we make from there. Not like we have this predetermined plan of where we end up in life that is set in stone and we have no say in where we end up, but more like the Choose Your Own Adventure books that have a ton of situations that play out, but you get to choose how the main character (in this case, you) reacts to the given situation, and where you go from there.

In reading those books, I discovered that even if you make a bad choice or even two or three, you can always redeem yourself to come out with a happy ending. In life, I fully believe that you can make a few wrong choices, travel down a few dark and dreary paths, but there will always be another path, a side road, something that will be there to help you find your way back to the right pathway. Some way to get you through the path of darkness and back into the light.

Another perspective is that shown in the picture. Not many different pathways to navigate your way through, but one pathway, scattered with shadows and sunshine, and no set of either any specific length, differing in shades, length, and size. The darkness covering different parts of the path, some covering only a small section, while others cover more like the entire path, not leaving room for you to walk around the shadow, forcing you to traverse the darkness, go through the trials. The best part of that, is that after you have forged your way through that darkness, make your way past the demons and shadows, you come out on the other side, not a different person, but still you. The difference being that those trials, shadows, and darkness have given you strength, courage, and the ability to know that you can succeed. You can beat the shadows and come out on the other side stronger because of it. think back with me on the trials of your life. How wonderful is the feeling of knowing that you did it. You made it through that horrible time in your life, and if it comes again, you know you are ready because you've done it once before?

Random

I have discovered a few things in the last few months. I guess that is what happens when you embark on a new path in life.

I have discovered that Drill sergeants don't find it too funny when they ask what you learned at basic training and you reply that you learned that yellow smoke from smoke grenades does not come out of uniforms no matter how hard you try.

I have discovered the enjoyment at running in the mornings. A few miles to start the day with seems to always start me off on the right foot.

I have learned that the majority of the army refers to 4 am when they have to be there for PT as the middle of the night. I had to agree with this one. It is still night time when it is still dark out for the entire hour you are PTing.

I have discovered that your day never really starts unless you get barked at by sea lions and homeless people as you run by.

I have discovered that homeless people will bark at you when you run by in military PT's and/or will propose marriage to you. That was an interesting run.

I have discovered that the only way to make some of the sounds of the Arabic language correctly, you need to jab yourself in the throat just right, or try and cough up a hairball.

I have also discovered that the Arabic language is the only language to have more exceptions to the grammar rules than rules themselves. We learn a rule and then learn about three exceptions to it. Apparently no one really follows some of the grammar rules...

Values

VALUES

Somewhere in the Devil’s Land
Where no one should have to live
A Soldier takes a guarded stand
And gives all he can give.

Somewhere on a lonely tower
A Soldier stands on guard
Fighting sleep at an ungodly hour
Even though it may be hard.

Somewhere at a checkpoint
A Soldier and hostile meet
Keeping his anger in check
Is a task that he must beat.

Somewhere in a wooded land
A Soldier takes a ride
Covered with our flag
Honor bound in every stride.

Somewhere in a room
A Soldier stands straight and tall
Fighting the urge to lie
Has integrity and takes the fall.

Somewhere in a guarded place
A Soldier holds his own
Refusing to flee in haste
Courage is all that’s shown.

Loyalty. Duty. Respect.
Selfless Service. Honor.
Integrity. Personal Courage.
Are what makes a Soldier what he is.